#obsession

#obsession

The last day and a half has been really hard. I have thought non stop about food, which really annoys me. It doesn’t help that I made the mistake of googling how long it is until you are “recovered” from bulimia. The general consensus was around 5-8 years (insert gasp here). 

When I think that today is only day 5, I literally want to just cry.  I am already wiped. Some experts believe food cravings last only approximately 3-5 minutes. So if I take the 1440 minutes in a day, and divide by 5, that means I only have to conquer 288 battles in my mind each day (no problem right ;)). I would take out the minutes of sleep, but I am pretty sure even in my sleep food is dominating my brain.

I wonder what I thought about before this? The answer is…probably food. I have been on some sort of a “diet” my entire life I’m sure. Everywhere I go it seems food, weight and diets are the only thing people talk about (especially females) – in my pilates class, at get togethers, on social media… it is everywhere. 

americanaddictioncenters.org states that, “While treatment can help you gain a great deal of control over bulimia, relapse can be a risk. In fact, in a study in European Eating Disorders Review, researchers found that about 74 percent of people with bulimia in a treatment program still had symptoms when the program was nearly complete, so they were still at risk for relapse.”

This terrifies me. It makes me feel like I am just doomed no matter what.  I know I should be celebrating 4 days and 1/2 way through the 5th, but I am just waiting for the day that my obsession with food isn’t a thing, or at least not as much. Until then, I have to just have faith that this too shall pass – 288 times a day, until it is less, and less and less…

#bulimiarecovery #day5

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